“I don’t feel comfortable with what I’m wearing.”

Let me start this post off saying that I finally left my house today! Of course, I’m not going to lie to you and be like omg this is the first time I actually left my house… if you follow me on Instagram you would know that is simply not true. What I mean by this is today is the first time I took public transit this entire year! I don’t have a car, so it’s not like I was driving around either. This is a really big deal. Because I’ve been scared of the racism and the virus, especially being from the race that “started the virus”. Throughout the past couple of months (not that I exactly had to go anywhere), I felt that if I was going to go anywhere it sure as well wasn't going to be on the subway. But here I am (did I mention that I’m writing this on the subway).

Now you are probably wondering how this relates to fashion. The reason I hopped on this potential virus filled box, is because I’m headed to a nice lux restaurant for some dinner. The details of which I will not explain further as honestly… why do you care? Jkjk that’s why I’m on here to share my life. Not gonna tell you either way. To go to this restaurant we were instructed to dress nicely and well luxe.

So here I was on the bus and now the train thinking about how I am wayyyyy to overdressed to be taking the bus. In my opinion, I look like I should have a driver and personal shopper. But then again don’t we love a humble moment. I mean I think everyone should take public transit from time to time even if they don’t have too. Just to remind them of what it’s like to live an “average” life. Though I do not endorse living an “average” life, using titles just makes mansplaining a lot easier.

Anyways, so here I am thinking about who it is I look like and how odd it feels to look like I should at least be driving a car. If not have my own driver. Trying to justify it by saying "Just because I dress nice doesn’t mean I have money". If you know how to dress, is that not the very purpose of fast fashion? Something else I would also like to clarify, I do not support fast fashion. And if you see me wearing it or buying it, know I hate myself for it. My point is that I know I shouldn’t care what people think. I know I know, preach to the fucking choir we hear that from everyone and their left tit.

I tried making excuses being like maybe I am too out there or maybe I need to calm down, I am on the subway after all. Making promises that if I drove that maybe I would feel more comfortable because I would be doing it for me and not have to worry about eyes on me. But if anything, that goes against my own points. If I am doing it for me, then it shouldn’t matter who is watching me and how people feel about what I’m wearing. After all, the best thing to wear with any outfit is confidence. Let’s look at it this way, when you are at fashion week, you can have an amazing outfit, but there are tons of those walking around. What the photographers are looking for is confidence. People that of course dress really well, but don’t let the clothes wear them. That’s the job of models, to be moving hangers. Not your job, you should be wearing the clothes in all forms of meaning.

I want to give you a couple of personal reference points, anyone trying to make it in fashion. I’m sure you can relate to these points.

So I want to talk about two things you have probably seen all over my site, the reason being. Because I am so proud of those moments. First being my look at New York Fashion Week last year... you know when fashion week was still in person.

So this was the outfit I wore to the first-ever show I was actually invited too. There where we sat behind some actor, that I had no idea who he was. But apparently was super relevant. Besides the point... so this outfit, I know I know how simple is it. I believe its actually my granddad's suit. The look which is still very strong was to me super fashion-forward for me at the time. Of course, we grow and change and now I am kind of embarrassed to say that was my best. It is what it is and here we are. The whole point of the outfit was to be wearing a suit without a shirt underneath. Showing my body, not even buttoned up, as most people do when wearing a suit with no shirt. I was so uncomfortable, but I don't even know why I was anymore. I think I was scared, becuase it's new york. The place is known for people without filters. People will yell and say anything to anyone. The worst part is it affected my look in the face of the press. Not that I had very much press. Since we were honestly just in the wrong places at the wrong times. But I was so insecure for no reason. Wearing an outfit that I was so proud of in a very hidden way. I even put a shirt on after a while... That made me mad becuase I thought about my whole point of confidence is the best part of any outfit.

Finally, I want to talk about the ohhhhh so famous Eiffel Tower Ring from Balenciaga.

Though I personally have no problems with this ring. In the beginning, it was a bit odd, becuase I bought this ring to push myself out of my comfort zone. I will admit I am a materialistic person, but I make sure if I am going to spend money on something, that it is going to have significance in my life. After all, I am a minimalist. This ring was me not only manifesting a career with Balenciaga (Which... in recent lights has proven to be a struggle), my love for the brand, and materializing my desire to go to Paris (I swear the Eiffel tower has been calling to me). It was my commitment to being more fashion-forward and risky with my fashion choices.

Once I was headed back home from work, and this group of people were talking about me and my ring and laughing. I felt attacked but held dignity because I realized that this is who I am, and this is fashion. Seeing from what they were wearing their ideal of fashion was H and M...

My point being... fuck it up. If you don't know how to dress then please have some sort of self-awareness. But I sure as hell am not going to tell you how to dress unless you ask for it of course. But if your outfit is at least half-decent, make up for the other half in personality. I saw somewhere that said you can be wearing anything, but as long as you like your shoes. You will feel confident wearing it. So do that, maybe that's why shoes are my favourite part of my outfit!

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