The emotional connection you have with your clothes.


So here is the real fucking tea, you guys. So if you know me well, you would know that that 2016-2017 were both the best and worst years of my life thus far. It sounds kinda dramatic, but it was. It was the last 2 years of my High School career. While some were getting their driver's license, and teens in the US were getting straight-up cars. I was... well... doing other things, we won't get too far into the details. It wasn't becuase of those usual highschool problems; I am not into drama, and I got bullied enough previously, so life in high school was fine.

The reason I want to mention that is becuase there is one specific piece of clothing I cannot get rid of. For you, it might be the sweater you stole from your ex, or maybe a piece of jewelry from a loved one. I thought what better way to speculate on that then write it into a post. Maybe this post will help you realize why you put so much meaning behind specific material items...

Yep, that's it. Some of you might recognize it. It is exactly what it looks like obviously... An oversized knit sweater. It literally cost the person that bought it $2 from the thrift store. And in this post, I won't mention any names for obvious reasons, but I am going to go into depth as to why this item has meaning to me. And why as a minimalist the fact that I still have this, is a big deal.

If you knew me in those years, you may be like there is no way it was the worst years of your life. You wear always happy... HHAHAHA that's the tea sis. Now, this sweater wasn't even given to me. Like the sweater you stole from your ex, I kinda stole it. Kinda? Not really. I was at their house one day and it was cold after school so they let me take it. I can tell you though it did belong to a guy. That is actually a major point. Becuase this was one of, if not the first person I came out too. I know, I know, you are sooooo gay how come you did you not know. Its a process, ok, and get away with those stereotypes.

I was super emotionally blocked off in those years and honestly a lot of my life, even till now. This man had a way with people. We went from strangers at the beginning of the year to him being one of my closest friends at the end of the year (though those feelings were not reciprocated, YIKES). The way he talked about the things he did just made you so comfortable. It was so easy to talk to him. If we want to put it into cliche metaphors he was the gatekeeper to my emotions. I went from completely blocked off to a flood of emotions. He single-handedly and unintentionally ruined my life, but then put it back together. He was the reason I was so emotional behind closed doors. But then he was also the one to talk me threw it, the person I felt comfortable going to. We talked about everything and anything. Whenever, wherever. Public transportation was like our office... Did I grow to have feelings for him? Yes of course. He is basically everything I am looking for. Athletic, Kind, Cares for causes, Adventurous, Spontaneous, and was always looking to try new things. Pretty toxic considering he would tell me about his girl problems. But ANYWAYS. This $2 knit sweater came to be a symbol of comfort. This is the sweater I would cry in, would grab when I was sick, and if I was wearing it in public meant I was not having it... It was hard becuase I tried to do the absolute most in Highschool while figuring out my sexuality, and emotions. This sweater was through it all. Not to mention, it looks good on me HAHA. I cannot say the same for him, as soon as I graduated he never talked to me again. Can't blame him becuase I was kinda needy, but yep.

Let me tell you about why it is such a big deal that I still have it though. In this time of figuring shit out, I pursued minimalism. If you do not know minimalism; is essentially the pursuit of only keeping things that add value to your life or are essential. With that, I chose to limit myself to only wearing black and white, which now has turned to all black. I even shaved my head so I had less to worry about. I don't know if you can tell, but that sweater is not black... But I can't get rid of it. I let myself keep it when I wore white, but now that I wear all black it doesn't even fit in my wardrobe. It's crazy considering I work in fashion (CHECK OUT MY NEXT POST). I hid it away to stop myself from gravitating towards it when things are rough. It kind of worked. But I came across it the other day, and now it just reminds me of life and a time where I was figuring things out. As a minimalist adding value to material things is a practice that you try to unlearn. Literally everything else from high school is gone: Awards, School Merchandise, even the suits I wore to Prom and Graduation. This is the only thing that I still have. It's all because of him and the time in my life, which I am way passed. Is life messy still? Yes, but I am no longer looking in the past, only looking to the future.

That being said there is nothing wrong with remembering the past and keeping things that add value to your life. For me, it doesn't fit my lifestyle. There are these things with clothes that I feel are hard to relate to other things, an emotional connection of sorts. You live through these experiences wearing them. I thought about giving it back to him, selling it, or simply donating it again.

Will I keep it? Yes, but I want it to be a trophy to my future self. A way of looking at what I used to be and who I have become. For you. If it is your exes hoodie, it is important to make sure that you have it in remembrance or issue some sort of nostalgia to it. Never leave things with remorse. Forgive and forget. Essentially, if you can wear it, look at it without getting triggered then good for you. You got a free sweater (I hope it's nice). If not then think about why that is, and maybe think about giving it back and making amends with the fact that it isn't adding value to your life.

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