Thoughts in the new "afternoon"

Let me explain this title. So I think a lot of us have lost the sleeping routines we used to have. For me, at the latest, I would sleep at 2 and always wake up by 10 at the latest. Now I go to sleep when people should be going to work... Anyways. As someone that overthinks everything and always assumes the worst. MAYBE THAT'S WHY IM SINGLE... hahahahahahahaha....

Back to the point. I think I speak for people around the world when I say there has been a lot of time to think. Especially at these late sad boy hours a lot of thinking is happening for sureeee.

I've been doing a lot of thinking about who I am and what I want. Trying to not think about the past and reflect on how to make moves in the future. The most annoying part is that now in this time that everyone is reliant on consuming media on phones and laptops and screens. We keep comparing our lives and distracting ourselves by getting involved in other people's business. Even dating... I've been on and off with dating apps like its not even funny. I keep deleting and redownloading them like they are a light switch. ON and OFF again and again. I swear the app store is like "WHAT THE ACTUAL SHIT iS hAppENIng, Are YoU Ok?

Here is the thing about that though I download it thinking I am ready to date. And during this confinement, I do it for funsies. You know? Meet new people, maybe ill come out of this with a boyfriend. WOW GOD BLESS. But here's the dumb thing on my end you know. So ok, I strongly believe I have attachment issues, or most definitely trust issues. So I've been talking to this guy lets call him Andre, and we were talking to each other for literally a couple days, and then he just ghosted me. We follow each other on Instagram so I know he's active online. Yet he just ghosted me... And I know y'all are probably like why don't you just message him on Instagram then. I did... no responses. Like why are people so into wasting time. Like I don't even know what to say. The saddest part about it though is we matched on Tinder a couple of months ago. I messaged him, he didn't respond. That's fine, but then I got bumble recently, and we matched again so I messaged him again, no response, then I messaged him on Tinder for funsies to be like haha we matched on bumble as well. That's when we started talking, just to be ghosted.

I know what you are thinking, "Kendrick, you are so fucking desperate, it's sad" I know I know, thank you for thinking about me. I am truly honoured. But the real tea is though, I know I am not 100% ready for a relationship, so I am not even trying that hard to get one. But I like a challenge, to say the least. He proved to be one. Either way though, the reason I am even mentioning this, is because of the fact that he ghosted me. Like what is so hard about telling someone you are not interested? That is all. Like da efffffff.

See even writing this, if you are reading this I know that this post probably isn't exactly providing that much value to your life if any at all. But I think it is important especially at this time to speak up, read an article, talk about something. IDEK. Just do something and create where you can, and this is my way of creating I guess. I don't want to think that I am talking about this as a way to discuss your life at home. I already wrote a post about what you can be doing a couple of weeks ago. When this all started and I was still sane, to say the least. Do you really think I would be sharing this kind of content with you if i was still sane?... Well ok, don't answer that. I don't want to promise that my content was not or will not get any crazier sooooo yea.

But as someone that is literally struggling financially, mentally, and in all the ways right now. If you are going to gain anything from this post. I want you to remember that I believe everything happens for a reason. The struggle is real but after all, gravity was discovered during the plague. In suburban London, so though I highly doubt anything like that will come out of this, let's give it a try, just create, have fun, make the most of it. And if you are going crazy, join the group!

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